Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Gay marriage: As Obama and Romney weight in, this pastoral counselor has a perspective, too

There used to be an American Indian saying, “White man speak with forked tongue.” Characteristically when Joe Bidden – God bless him – came out for the right of gays to marry nobody had to reach for a dictionary. The commentaries jockeyed for position, and I want to comment, too. I’ve had my experiences.

The first observation is one that I have read others also having. The first involuntary sexual emissions at night for heterosexual males will be about age twelve. For males whose sexual preference will prove to be homosexual, that first similar event will occur much earlier; I have known it to begin as early as age seven. This biological marker apparently is in place before some male children are aware of a gender preference.

I confess I am puzzled at some therapists’ attempts to change gender preference. Homosexuals of both sexes feel the pressure to marry and be seen as “normal.” They most often have children from these marriages. The females apparently are more successful in carrying out appearances; the males are not. Usually in early middle age physiology catches up with them. Wives often become frustrated; some seek divorce. These instances are the saddest of all my counseling experiences. Good faith intentions just do not appear possible in matters of sexual preferences. Some of the formerly married couples remain good friends. It is all very sad. Cultural pressure to sexually conform just has a lousy outcome - to put it bluntly - is the sum of my professional experiences.

The prejudice against homosexuals weighs heavily on individuals. The rate of alcoholism is above average, in my understanding. The gay bar and cruising must contribute to the level of sexually transmitted disease. The attempt to raise the ideal of what it means to be mature as a homosexual and have an enduring intimate relationship runs counter to a lot of dubious homosexual practices. Understandably, I have read some negative religious pronouncements on gay marriage with a lot of curiosity.

If the “right to gay marriage” prevails, I hope for a couple of outcomes. The first is to lower the overall divorce rate. Too many marriages break up due to one of the persons feeling the pressure to be heterosexual and therefore socially acceptable and perhaps even religiously so. The second is that the environment of the gay bar will begin to lose its influence, and both alcoholism and socially transmitted disease rates will begin to fall.

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